Surprise

I'm back.  It isn't that I haven't blogged since February, but I was using Dave's CaringBridge site for my blather for the last several months.  Go visit http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/davidrubel for my 2015 ruminations to date.

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2015 has been a hell of a year, full of all kinds of surprises, good and bad.  I guess every year is like that to some degree, but this one has been a doozy.

I'm on the fence about writing it all down - I get sick of talking about it, and I am confident people are tired of hearing about it.  Here is the bulleted summary of our 2015:

• Got a new job with my company in March
• Got another new job with my company in August
• Moved to Iowa for said new job
• Bought a fantastic house in the Des Moines burbs
• Sold our very well-loved home in Georgia
• Traded the old Ford Edge for a less-old Lexus
• Dave's health deteriorated some more
• The Boy battled dark things in his mind
• The Girl had trouble adjusting to the move
• Missed my old friends and neighbors
• Made some new friends and met some great neighbors
• Lost weight
• Gained weight
• Lost weight
• Gained weight
• Gained some more weight
• Didn't lose any more weight
• Traveled over 100,000 miles on Delta (and am still "Silver", dammit)
• Hired nearly two hundred awesome, wonderful people
• Gave a deposition
• Testified in court
• Testified in a legislative hearing
• Testified in another legislative hearing
• Been hugged by people every day who barely know me
• Been called names by people who don't even know me
• Been on TV
• Been in the newspaper
• Read some good books
• Cried
• Laughed
• Prayed
• Cried some more
• Laughed a lot more
• Forgot to pray
• Remembered to pray

I'm sure there's more, but you get the gist.  It's been a wild ride, this year of our Lord two thousand and fifteen.

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So - about the surprise.

Yes, there have been a lot of surprises along the way.  If you'd have told me in January that I'd be living in Iowa by the end of the year, I'd have laughed right in your face.  Iowa?  IOWA?  Why the eff would this old hillbilly move all the way to IOWA?! 

As it turns out, Iowa is completely fabulous and full of kind, wonderful people.  We hadn't been in our new house for more than a day before we had visits and treats from several neighbors.  Our adjacent neighbors on either side of our house are especially lovely. 

My job has afforded me the privilege of crisscrossing the state several times and meeting Iowans from all walks of life.  I've met hundreds of selfless caregivers and healthcare professionals... I've met legislators on both sides of the aisle... heck, I've even met the governor.  I now understand the meaning of "Iowa-nice".

I've had lovely surprises - a just-because call from a friend, a massive bouquet of gargantuan yellow birthday roses from my dad, a really really good night's sleep here and there, an affirming voice mail message from our CEO, little gifts on my desk, unsolicited hugs from my family, and so many more. 

These have been great and joyful surprises, but they aren't the subject of this post.

I've had terrible surprises, the worst of which was last Friday's agency decision to reverse my company's contract award in Iowa.  Pretty much all of 2015 has been devoted to starting up this new health plan in Iowa, and surprise, surprise, the rug has been wrongly yanked out at the 11th hour and now I haven't the foggiest notion of what's going to happen next.

But that's not the surprise I'm talking about, either.

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The surprise is this.  I am surprised that I'm still standing.  Upright, with my shoulders straight and my chin up.  A heart maybe bruised a little, but full of joy and wonder that I should have the privilege of leading a life so full of love and blessing.

I am surprised that I didn't crumple up into a wet little ball of snot when I've read the ugly comments that have been made about my company and me in the media.

I am surprised that I'm not slumped on a barstool somewhere, full of vodka and curse words and bitterness.

I am surprised by the grace and peace which passes all understanding that preachers and Sunday School teachers have been telling me about for the last fifty-something years. 

Not long ago, I bought myself a small silver ring that bears Romans 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his good purpose".  The font is tiny, but I know what it says - I know it by heart.  And every morning when I put it on, I glance to make sure that the words are right side up and that the last thing I see before walking out to face the day are the words, "God works".

Surprised by grace.  Surprised by strength that is most assuredly not my own.  Surprised to say that I'm looking forward to seeing what He is going to do next.