How do I describe us? To say we came from a dysfunctional family is a generous understatement -yet, to say that everyone loved each other anyway also falls short. It takes a special kind of person to love a train wreck, but it's easier when you're related.
I thought about cataloguing our mutual tragedy - lord knows there's plenty of material - but instead I've decided to celebrate some major accomplishments that defy all odds.
1. We are decent people. True, we are still vaguely snarky and condescending to those with lazy hygiene, phony personage and/or government jobs, mostly because we've had all three. Yet we still give and love generously and care for others and make sure that people who need stuff can have our stuff whenever possible.
2. We are survivors. While our aforementioned upbringing would make Tennessee Williams need smelling salts, the reality is that a good bit of destruction in the last 25 years is both tragic and self-wrought. Blaming your parents has a fixed shelf-life. Arguably, we came into adulthood with some effed-up coping skills, but regardless, one must rise above at some point and tend the roses instead of smelling the manure. And here we are.
3. We have faith. Although Hal Lindsey's "The Late Great Planet Earth" was a favorite bedtime story when we were youngsters, and our maternal lineage espoused Southern Baptist AM radio (can I get an "amen-AH!"), we ended up loving God with our own individual faiths. Growing up with fervent believers will plant something in your gut that is both frightening and hopeful, and if you're lucky, it eventually turns out to be made of nothing but pure love that goes beyond words.
4. We are good moms. It's a hard thing to say, but as messed up as she was, our mom was a decent mother. Yes, we ate Captain Crunch for dinner, and we pinched her toes after she passed out on Thorazine because it would make her say some really funny shit, and we shivered in fear of the Infernal Revenue Service because they were coming to put her in Leavenworth any day. And yet - she loved us more than breathing. True, we learned a lot about being a crummy parent too, but mostly we learned that a loving mother can help you survive freakish and desperate circumstances, even if you cause them yourself or if she is one of them.
5. We love each other. This one is hard too. In years past, we have gone months without speaking, and there are seasons of angry words that break my heart even now. Nobody can hurt you like your sister, and yet nobody's affection has the same worth. We are bound together by memories and DNA, and I consider every call and card and email and hug something grace-filled and sacred. I know of other people with siblings who loathe each other because they can't resist picking each other's scabs - my sister and I have learned which ones we can help heal and which ones we need to leave alone because nothing good will come from rubbing salt in them.
In short - I love my sister and it both surprises and delights me that we have made it into middle age with affection and sanity reasonably intact. And I wish her a lovely, joy-filled birthday - and I celebrate the fact that she is my sister.
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