I know how ridiculous it sounds, the giving up of Facebook, but it is a difficult thing for me to lay aside, to deny.
Also unlike Lents of the past, I find myself spending more time in prayer and study. I journal my prayers, writing long letters to God and then quietly listening to the Holy Spirit in my heart.
It has been harder this year than in the past - but for unexpectedly different reasons.
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You see, my preoccupation with Facebook has long been based on no small degree of narcissism.
Yes, I wanted to show off my family, and yes, I wanted to write witty snippets that made people smile and be glad that they know me. Yes, I enjoyed being the center of attention, even if for only a few passing moments in somebody's random newsfeed.
Essentially, the advent of social media gave me a whole new way to make it all about me.
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It also met another need, one that was still centered on self and similarly cringe-worthy.
From the day I left my childhood home and moved into an apartment, I've decorated my living spaces with photos - photos in albums, in frames, on the walls and on tables. Photos of a life full of friends, family and lovely places.
It also met another need, one that was still centered on self and similarly cringe-worthy.
From the day I left my childhood home and moved into an apartment, I've decorated my living spaces with photos - photos in albums, in frames, on the walls and on tables. Photos of a life full of friends, family and lovely places.
Absent photographic evidence to the contrary, my depressive inner voice told me that I was a lonely miscreant gargoyle with nothing but tragic destruction to claim as a life story - and that everyone around me thought the same. (Not that I'm prone to exaggeration or anything.)
Facebook gave me a new way to examine and consider my life, by putting the past and the present out there in words and pictures for evaluation.
Facebook gave me a new way to examine and consider my life, by putting the past and the present out there in words and pictures for evaluation.
Did I package things carefully? You betcha - Madison Avenue has got nothing on me. My primary, conscious-or-otherwise FB goal was to find everybody from my past and demonstrate that I finally became a contributing member of society with a normal, nuclear family and successful career. That I didn't end up in a trailer with nine kids from eight different baby daddies and an ailing liver full of rotgut vodka.
Over time, though, the packaging has dwindled and it occurred to me on a few fleeting occasions that the pictures and words I share on FB are actually closer to the truth than the distorted misfit gargoyle.
Over time, though, the packaging has dwindled and it occurred to me on a few fleeting occasions that the pictures and words I share on FB are actually closer to the truth than the distorted misfit gargoyle.
That maybe (just maybe) I'm not quite the disaster movie I thought I'd been watching for the previous forty-something years.
Again - all about me.
Yet I've soldiered on each Lent for the past three years, abstaining from Facebook in a well-publicized demonstration of faith and growing awareness of a 24/7 relationship with my Creator - who loves me enough to tell me the truth about me.
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Previous Lenten Facebook fasts have created angst on a number of fronts. What if people, especially my non-Christian friends, thought me a freak for doing this? How could I manage to stay in the spotlight? What if I needed prayers or a recipe or help finding a lost dog? What if everybody, including me, starts remembering the gargoyle?
Yet I've soldiered on each Lent for the past three years, abstaining from Facebook in a well-publicized demonstration of faith and growing awareness of a 24/7 relationship with my Creator - who loves me enough to tell me the truth about me.
That, although I once flirted with and am still capable of remarkable self-destruction, He will never let me go over the cliff as long as I hang onto Him and not me.
And while faith in Jesus is the most intimate relationship of all...
And while faith in Jesus is the most intimate relationship of all...
everything remained still all about ME.
I have friends around the world and down the street; friends who are sick; friends who have new babies; friends who are going through life's dark lonely valleys; and friends who are celebrating triumphant mountaintops.
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Now, here we are and it is the midway point of Lent 2014. I am off of Facebook and am startled to realize why I miss it this year, more than ever before.
I miss my friends.
I miss the YOU of Facebook, not the me.
I miss the YOU of Facebook, not the me.
I have friends around the world and down the street; friends who are sick; friends who have new babies; friends who are going through life's dark lonely valleys; and friends who are celebrating triumphant mountaintops.
There are new jobs and lost jobs and big fishes caught and disappointments large and small -
and I want to know how YOU are.
I want you to know that I care for you, and that I miss brightening your day. Not for the attention of it, but for the giving of it.
I want you to know that I care for you, and that I miss brightening your day. Not for the attention of it, but for the giving of it.
Also unlike Lents of the past, I find myself spending more time in prayer and study. I journal my prayers, writing long letters to God and then quietly listening to the Holy Spirit in my heart.
I am fully convinced that it is He who has drawn me out of me - and refocused me on you.
But in a good way, I think. :-)
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I don't know if this made any sense to anybody, and since I'm not on Facebook to advertise its posting, few will probably see it anyway. And it doesn't escape notice that this post is yet again all about me.But in a good way, I think. :-)
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